Quote me anywhere, once they make the announcement for the next Big Brother Africa (BBA), I will be right in front of the line. I love the BBA. Apart from the chance to mix with fun people from Africa, you also get the chance to be hosted for 3 months, with free housing, free food and free booze. Also if you have your game straight, you either finger, get fingered, or have amazing sex. Amazing sex with an accented foreigner on International TV. Real once in a lifetime opportunity. So kudos to Big Brother, for being a big brother, and providing us with the opportunity to watch porn on tv.
The last time Nigeria sent in a rep for the BBA, it was Goldie Harvey (God bless her soul), who kept crying like small pikin wey don loss her chin-chin. But then, Nigerians no like cry-babies. They kept cursing and shouting until Goldie was chased away. On the day Goldie left, there was a huge National celebration, the type we had when Naija gained independence. Remain small, GEJ would have declared a National Holiday to celebrate Goldie’s eviction. My father even killed ram for the family, and said thanksgiving prayers, not knowing what we had in store.
Fast forward to this year, and we sent in trouble to the BBA. Beverly ‘Trouble’ Osu. The real Gobe wey Davido sing about. See Beverly, see Gobe. The moment that fine video vixen walked into that house, she began to blab.
“My mother did this…my father had his arsehole waxed by aliens, I slept with men, and took money, I also did some small small side runs. In fact, I kill Jesus”
I sat back, smiling, knowing that was just the beginning. Next, she began to eye one South African madman, Angelo wey carry dreadlocks like Majek Fashek. And as we all know, South African Rastafarians no dey carry last. First Beverley and Angelo began with look me I look you, then touch me I touch you, kiss me I kiss you, and then finger me I finger you.
When Beverly got fingered, that day, the world stopped moving. Nigerians screamed, cursed, abused, cried, held night vigil, just to make sure say she leave that house. But Beverly no gree. The girl and Angelo finally did IT! Yes, they had hot steamy sex. Hurray! Congratulations. Nigeria go catch fire.
Boom! Sex!
As expected, people don dey swallow Panadol for Beverly case. Some don even get Hypertension for the matter. Some curse her Mama, her Papa, her pastor, her fans, even as I write this article, some people go begin dey curse me join. Shoo? Free her jare. It’s her life. I personally have an issue about having sex on International TV, but then, when push comes to shove, it’s her business. Free the girl! You guys will scream and curse all you want, but the moment that girl returns to this yeye country, she will be celebrated like a queen, and from there, she will start making crazy money, while the rest of you will go back to your busy lives. Free her!
And as for those of una wey dey carry Beverly case for head like those Gala sellers for Lagos traffic-jam, I just have one question to ask una: “How market?”
I rest my case as always.
Yours' Collabotic
The BISHOP
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