“She was probably whining you. Just to let you spill about who’s in your life yada yada yada. You tell her you are single and you are done for. Before you know it you are in MFM filling a form about dreams and spirit spouses…” the kid sister said before my airtime finished.
I replayed the last 30 minutes of my life and couldn’t help but laugh. I was so close to blurting out to Mum that I have since decided to marry a non-Nigerian. Thank God, I didn’t. She would have spoken in tongues right there on my behalf.
Abi Mum lied to us about going to school kwanu?
What manner of Nollywood conversation did I just have?
Yes, I am aware stereotypes and tribal sentiments abound in Nigeria like satchet water. In as much as most of them are pretty offensive, they seem to be humorous and have some truth to them. A lot of people will swiftly assume the person with that offensive body odor in a crowd is Yoruba. Some will readily assume that new Guy at work with the deadly halitosis is of Ibo origin. And I’m talking overnight Fufu, Oha and Beer breath.
Almost every tribe except the Fulani’s, label Yoruba’s as dirty people. While they think the Ibo’s are Con-men. All the other tribes think the Fulani’s are dumb primitive people.
I almost knelt down to weep when Chibuzor said if he’s blindfolded and thrown into a room full of naked women, he will be able to “sniff out the Yoruba Chic amongst them”.
I really don’t blame him; a lot of people think and believe dirty undergarments are the national flag of Yoruba people.
Such is the degree to which our several tribal stereotypes have climbed.
All I wanted to do was take ice cubes from the kitchen downstairs when the mother blurted out that she wouldn’t mind if I marry a Yoruba woman because they have respect and won’t lie about their womb. Like seriously.
Before I could disagree, Dad said, “You want Solo to marry people that don’t baff unless dia is party?” I just stood there and laughed like a fool.
You see, I’m Ibo. My Ex-es except one have all been Ibo. I love my people because we are ambitious. It’s our ambition that drives us most times. We hustle smart and hard. Emphasis on smart.
“Solomon, Yorobah gals have respect and don’t abort anyhow..” was how she threw it at me. “E be like e don tey wey you comot for house.” I replied under my breath.
“I know what I’m saying. Unless the Ibo geh get low self esteem, u go regret say you marry am. They’re too wise and can lie.” My Mother continued. I just kept laughing and wishing I didn’t come home for Christmas like my sister, Nne suggested.
Now I know why she decided to stop visiting. Obviously my mother wants someone she can control; someone basic and domesticated to a certain degree.
“What of Fulani?” I spoke out loud, at no one in particular. Both of them just stared at me like I was adopted. I don’t know the Yoruba’s my mother must have been meeting.
Definitely not the ones I see barking into phones in public, screaming at bus conductors or asking everyone that annoys them if they are mad or their heads have been tampered with.
Of course I don’t mind a humble African chick, but one does not just attach himself forever to a dunce because of humility and respect.
I have nothing against Yoruba people especially their women. All these tribal stereotypes are just mere stories to me.
I didn’t deliberately date Ibo Women; I just haven’t met any ‘date-able’ or appealing Yoruba girl (character-wise) since Bose.
A little Yoruba home-training, a little Ibo acumen, a little Warri excitement, some Calabar kinkiness, a good dose of Fulani humility and accent will make a perfect Nigerian woman.
But sadly, a perfect Nigerian woman does not exist. I know she will bring it up again tomorrow unless I don’t intend going downstairs throughout the remainder of my visit. Mummy mummy… sigh. —
Tribal Sentiments: Dirty undergarments, the national flag of Yoruba people was culled from Real Stories and Funny Iranu – a silly unedited book by Oluwatosin Breezi Adesanya. No part of the material may be adapted, copied, reproduced, printed or published without permission from the Author.
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REAL OR NONSENSE.....wink....lol
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