And whats worse, there are predictions that it may only get worse, as most people these days tend to enter marriage for the wrongest of reasons.
Most couples particularly women are all about the excitement of marriage, particularly after the engagement, and often forget that marriage goes way beyond love, and there are a lot of vital questions to be asked.
In reality, you don't often hear newly engaged couples asking divorcés for marriage advice -- but maybe they should.
Who better to school you on what doesn't work in a marriage than someone who's been there, done that, and got the t-shirt? Given that, it was quite interesting, the response a marriage-bound Redditor who had the good sense to ask married folks and divorcés to weigh in with the conversations they wished they would have broached with their partners before tying the knot, got. "Tell me your horror stories," the Redditor bravely asked in her call-out. "Specific questions, not just money, children, sex but things that wouldn't cross your mind until you've actually been married."
Read after the cut, 11 of the most interesting responses.
1. "How does he try to make you feel loved and validated? Does it work? How do you try to make him feel loved and validated? Does it work?"
2. "Prenup or not to prenup?"
3. "Do we have more than just love? I would step back from your
relationship and look at the components besides love. We all like to
believe 'love will conquer all,' but it doesn't. It's 100 percent necessary, but you also need trust, honesty, respect and forgiveness.
Marriage is really freaking hard, especially when it has to withstand
outside hardships, but if you have all four of the above, you can not
only survive those things, but thrive in them."
4. "Asking the hard questions about children is really important. Not
just how many, but questions about education and religion and basic
child-rearing philosophies. For school, are you thinking private, public
or homeschooling? What about discipline? How do you feel about time
outs, spankings and grounding?"
5. "Is your S.O. your absolute best friend? The person you respect most in the universe? If not, don't marry them."
6. "Are you sure you're not just getting caught up in the hype of
getting married? I'm divorced and mainly I wish I hadn't ignored the red
flags, which in my opinion, become harder and harder to recognize the
closer you get to the wedding. Once you announce your engagement, your
mindset turns more to the excitement of the wedding and you tend to turn
a blind eye to the warning signs. Plus, the thought of canceling the
wedding can be enough to convince anyone that they can somehow make it
work. But trust me, divorce is harder than calling off a wedding."
7. "Are you both completely satisfied with your sex lives? Is there anything either party wants but isn't getting?"
8. "Ask yourselves all of these questions to make sure you're prepared:
1. Accidental pregnancy, what do we do? 2. Fired/laid off from job, what
do we do? 3. Financial crunch (car problems, medical bills, leaking
water pipes, etc.), what do we do? 4. Our parents are getting old, what
do we do?"
9. "I borrowed this more or less from Dan Savage: If one of us cheats, what is the outcome?"
10. "One thing I wish I would have discussed with my husband is extended
family dynamics. The one major problem we've ever had in 32 years of
marriage is his family. They didn't like me. I bent over backwards for
these people and eventually won over his dad and won over his mom for
the most part. His siblings and their spouses? Not so much. It caused
many, many uncomfortable times for me and because my husband is super
non-confrontational, he never stood up for me."
11. "Define 'marriage' for yourselves. What exactly are you committing to?"
For me, point number 3 really really reached out to me. I hope you have
also been able to learn one or two things. Do leave your comments.
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