Ladies, we have to be honest here: when our sex life becomes a little dull, we tend to have a mental catalogue of all the ways our partner isn’t quite measuring up. Guys tend to get a bad rap when it comes to understanding women’s bodies and what turns us on, making them easy targets in the blame game when sexual satisfaction starts to wane. And sure, they make their fair share of bedroom errors. But as the saying goes, it takes two to tango. As it turns out, top sex and relationship experts say that women make plenty of sex mistakes of their own. Here’s what I have come to realize as the 6 most common mistakes women make in the bedroom and what you can do to get the satisfaction you so rightly deserve.
1. Not Initiating Sex With Your Partner
Many of us worry about lady-like behavior. We don’t want to appear pushy or come on too strong for fear of being labeled aggressive and this is one of the greatest mistakes we make when it comes to sex. Most guys feel like they are always the initiator and that sets up disequilibrium on the passion scale in the relationship. Generally, men want to be pursued by their partners just as much as women do. Holding onto outdated ideas about sex roles also inhibits satisfaction with our sexual relationships. If you are one of those who think women are less interested in sex, then you are wrong because women who are as interested in sex as men. Show your interest by taking the first step from time to time. Your partner will likely appreciate it, and you may find a new level of satisfaction in taking responsibility for your sexual experience.
2. Worrying About What You Look Like
Thinking about how you look during sex stops you from enjoying yourself and this ruins your chances of achieving an orgasm. Don’t think about the fat on your belly or the makeup on your face, rather, concentrate on the pleasure of the act. You must give yourself permission to have an orgasm. Men want their wives to abandon themselves in sex play, and that’s not likely if you are anxious about your physical concerns. In truth, some men don’t notice half the things women are obsess about anyway. Men are much more attracted to women who show signs of health and youth and fertility. Rather than worry about the shape of your waist and hips, worry about your energy level and enthusiasm and interest in him.
3. Assuming Sex Is Casual for a Man
This is another old fashioned way of thinking that inhibits women’s ability to enjoy sex as much as they would want to. They tend to believe that women are not sexual or that sex is just sex to men. For some men, sex is a very important act, so don’t minimize it. Both men and women find sexual intimacy in the context of a committed relationship to be more satisfying. Numerous research studies make it very clear that the people who have the best quality and most frequent sex are married couples. That says a lot about the inadequacies of ‘casual sex.’ Never assume that your man is not romantic as this could also prevent you from enjoying sex.
4. Believing He’s Always Up for Sex
Sure, most teenage boys are ready and willing, just about any time you ask, but that is not true for men. The pressures of everyday life – family, work, bills – can zap a man’s libido. This comes as a big surprise to many women, and often, his lack of interest in sex is something we take personally. It comes as such a shock to women that you just don’t believe the reaction many women have when their partner says they aren’t in the mood for sex. They know themselves that they are not always interested in sex but they still love the man. But when they discover he doesn’t want to have sex, they think, ‘he doesn’t love me,’ ‘he is seeing another woman,’ and such thoughts but I can tell you it is not totally true. He may not just want to have sex at that time and that does not mean he is ‘cutting any show’ outside.
5. Not Giving Him Guidance
Talking very directly about sex, what we like and don’t like, can make us feel uncomfortable, even with a partner we’ve been with for a long time and otherwise feel close to, but it’s the only way to achieve a satisfying sexual relationship. A woman must take responsibility for her sexual encounter because no man can bring a woman to orgasm if she doesn’t take responsibility for her sexual experience. Even the best lover can’t know what she needs without her letting him know. The good news is that men very much want to please women, so if you can tell them in a way that doesn’t kill their ego, they will appreciate it.
6. Getting Upset When He Suggest Something New
This is very true of some women I have had the opportunity of counselling. After a couple has been together for a while, it is natural to want to spice things up with a little variety. Just because your man wants to try something new doesn’t mean he’s unhappy with you or your sex life. In short, don’t take it personally. Though I am not insinuating that you should ever feel obligated to do something they don’t want to do in the personal and intimate area of sexuality. But if your man asks you about trying something that’s outside of your morals, make it clear that it’s off limits for you and explain why. Of course, do this in a loving way as best you can. If it is something that is not really a moral issue for you but you still don’t want to, again explain why. But on the whole, you should try it out first and if you are not comfortable with it, you should let him know lovingly.
Yours Ecstasy
THE BISHOP
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