UNBELIEVABLE!...MAN caught TRYING to make LOVE to a parked RANGE ROVER!

Drinking makes some people horny. Drinking made this man, one Daniel Cooper, horny enough to have sex with an SUV.
Cooper, who amazingly goes by the nickname "Hotcock" and will be labeled as such henceforth, was having a boys' night out when he was caught on a security camera with his pants around his ankles, humping away at an innocent Land Rover parked in the lot of a kebab joint. Earlier in the night, he allegedly grinded against the counter of said kebab restaurant, as well as the floor, to the assumed horror of fellow patrons who just wanted to grab a gyro and get on with their nights.

For his antics, Hotcock was charged a small fine and slapped with a community order that bans him from going out on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights for the next three months. 

But while Hotcock's exploits were likely a result of being really, really drunk, one wonders if the married father of three (yes, really) might have a latent car fetish. At the very least, now seems to be as good a time as any to understand how someone could be sexually attracted to automobiles. 

"If we look at the words we use to describe the latest and greatest cars— hot, sleek, sexy, comfortable — it is no wonder that someone might equate those with the characteristics of a fantastic sexual partner," says board certified sexologist Megan Stubbs. "The status they bring to the driver, and the sleekness and curves of the body are all understandably desirable qualities, except [in this case] they are not human."

Stubbs says that, in general, object fetishes are more about comfort and safety than anything else. "Let’s say you have a fetish with a balloon," she explains. "The balloon is totally in your control, it will never judge you, make you feel inadequate. It opens creates a safe environment where the person with the fetish can completely be themselves."

Whether or not Hotcock actually has a thing for hard, built, sturdy Land Rovers, we'll never know. What we do know is that while he claims he doesn't remember his car-shagging shenanigans, his friends will never let him forget. 

"Daniel will never live this down," his friend told The Mirror. "He is not a pretty sight when naked. We all felt sorry for the LandRover and hope it wasn’t offended."