The easiest time to prevent a divorce or an unhappy marriage is before marriage, not after.
There is no gainsaying that love can have such a drunken effect on the
about-to-wed that clear danger signals become unimportant to them, while
hope becomes the only commodity. After all, is it not said that love
conquers all? Great! But what type of love is meant there?
There are traits that some people cannot drop. It is like hoping that a
right-handed spouse will one day become left-handed: a classical case of
waiting for Godot!
If you are looking for a wife or a husband, please be wary of these groups of people.
Those who can never say, “sorry”
They would hurt you, annoy you, disappoint you, but would never
apologise, because they believe that it would belittle and demean them.
When you are wrong, you apologise to them, and when you are right, you
still apologise to them, hoping that that they would change. But they
never do. You start to feel irritated and agitated. The love and respect
you felt for them start to wear away.
Those who can never say, “Thank you”
Whatever you do for them, they are never grateful.
“Why should I say, ‘Thank you’
when you are just doing your duty?” Some would say that their gratitude
is in their heart. Do you have to open a heart to see the gratitude and
get it? Such an attitude causes irritation and frustration and
unhappiness.
Such people also believe the world owes them a lot. They go around their
activities with an entitlement mentality. They are difficult to please.
Those who have excessive libido or inadequate libido
Sexual intercourse is a very important factor in marriage, but when you
have a spouse that needs it for breakfast, lunch and supper, it is
difficult to have any peace in the family. Infidelity also knocks on
door. On the other hand, when you have a spouse that hates sex or thinks
that sex should only be had once a year during the wedding anniversary
or birthday celebration, there is also trouble in the house, and
infidelity is usually a challenge.
Men who think women are to be seen but not heard
Some men still live in the 18th century, in spite of the depth of
education they profess. It is true that marriage is not a zone for
feminist crusade, but if a man has archaic views about women, then,
please avoid him like an Ebola patient. Watch out for statements like:
“How can an ordinary woman want to be the CEO?” “How can a woman chat
with men?”
Women who believe they don’t need men in their lives
Such women believe that they are self-sufficient in all things. They
have the I-don’t-give-a-damn attitude. Men feel ill at ease when they
are with women who don’t allow a room in their lives for a man to fill.
Such women find it difficult to express love. They fly into quarrels
easily. This creates frustration and conflicts.
Men who are looking for housemaids, not wives
These are men who still live in the 15th century. They have an archaic
idea of what the role of wives is. They believe that women are only
meant to cook, clean the house, bear children, and serve the men.
They believe that when the men talk, women must just obey. The man can
keep mistresses, but the woman should keep quiet and not even be seen
greeting a man. A woman should not work, should not step out of the
house, and should not complain whatever the man doles out to her.
Those who can never trust anybody
These are those who believe that everybody is a dangerous enemy that has
evil designs against them. They have an obsession with fear of people,
including their spouse, that it is irritating. Once a spouse cannot be
trusted, there can never be joy in the family.
Those who have no respect for others
People can mouth love, but without respect, a marriage can never be
happy. Women who love to prove a point by insulting their husbands, or
men who believe in treating their wives without dignity in the name of
cutting their wives to size: such people make terrible marriage
partners.
Women who see all men as competition that must not be given an inch
Marriage is not a place for activism. A woman who sees a man as a
competitor rather than a complement is a dangerous person to marry. When
a man has to contend with a woman every minute, when a man is always
too conscious of what to say or do to his wife, then there is a problem.
Those who can’t control their temper
Hot-tempered people are dangerous. They can utter anything in anger.
They can do things that they will regret for life. They can be violent.
Their words can be venomous. They can put you in trouble.
Those who cannot forgive
Forgiveness makes us look superhuman. But there are those who cannot
forgive, no matter the circumstances. Not only can they not forgive,
they can also not forget. Because they can’t forgive, they usually think
of how to get revenge.
Those who have not been weaned by their parents
Age has little to do with maturity in marriage. Those who have not been
“weaned” by their parents make poor marriage partners. They are full of
“Mummy said”, “Daddy said”. They take every family discussion to their
parents. They cannot do anything unless their parents approve. They
allow their parents to run their homes in the name of showing respect to
the mother-in-law or father-in-law.
Those who are tied to the apron strings of their parents make marriage
tasteless. Such spouses are as a constant source of frustration and
sadness. You will always be wrong. You will always be vilified.
In summary, marriage is not a bed of roses. There is nobody without some
faults or idiosyncrasies. But it is foolhardy to walk into a landmine
with one’s eyes open, praying and hoping that the explosive would not go
off.
To avoid heartache, neither blind love nor desperation to get a married
should push a bachelor or spinster to jump into a marriage with someone
that will cause nothing but pain, sadness, and sorrow
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